As I am nearing the end of my senior year at Douglas Anderson, the excitement of my life outside of high school is directly paralleled with my equal disappointment of having to leave behind all that I deemed important to me. Elan would be one of these. Though I have only been able to be an art editor for two years, what I learned from my experience on the staff will follow me the rest of my life. An Elan event that I know I will never forget is the Yellow House gallery we put together in 2018. I was the art manager, allowing me the responsibility of selecting, procuring, and displaying the visual art that would be accompanying the written pieces chosen by other members on the team. This process took a lot longer than I had hoped it would have, given that the artists often already had their piece displayed elsewhere, or they simply were not responsive to email. However, I will never forget the payoff of all our hard work the day of the show. Throughout the entire process, we prevailed. Every obstacle that presented itself was always immediately countered without hesitation, making the process almost seem seamless despite the constant need for plan revisions. The teamwork, dedication, and organization that was required of all the members participating in the creation of that event was unlike any I had experienced before. It was the newness of that experience though that taught me so much about how to keep situations under control in my own life through similar strategies of compromise and calmness despite all that may fall in the way of a goal. Outside of my general personal growth, I have also become a better artist through my time on the staff. I have been exposed to so many different mediums of art, all of which are utilized as a form of essential expression. Of all the lessons I have learned in Elan, the most important is the vitality of art. I have adopted the understanding that it is the most important form of individual expression that allows universality the further you reach into yourself. The connection that can be made with other people in speaking hard truths is one that cannot be replicated by any other practice. As an art editor, I was exposed to so many stories and lives through something as simple as the analysis of art they submitted for publication. The beauty and truth of visual art has fueled my own writing’s creative process. I am inspired to speak to feelings I fear acknowledging or that I don’t know how to name in a word or two. Exposure to art pushes to me move against my own limitations. I constantly create in pursuance of my personal truth, as it is in my ability to create that I am granted freedom and solace. At this time in my life, my identity as an artist has become one of the most important pieces of my definition of self. - Kathryn Wallis, Senior Art Editor

When I first heard about Elan in my freshman year at Douglas Anderson, I thought it was a selective opportunity for upperclassmen. I remember looking through the pages of Elan’s online fall 2015 edition and thinking that I could never have the skills to have my pieces selected. I never considered my writing anything more than mediocre. In my freshman year, writing was a way to understand myself and the environment around me. It was the first time I wrote about culture and the identities associated with my heritage. This is when “Stains of Spanish Grease” was published in Elan’s Spring 2016 issue. This is when I rushed home to tell my parents and friends that I was a part of something important. This is when I realized that I liked writing images and manipulating them into poetry. First, Elan was an outlet for me as an artist. Not only did my friends and family recognize what I was doing, but people in the community valued what I created. Before I was a part of the staff, Elan asked me to read at multiple events in Jacksonville, which made me feel like an authentic artist. I didn’t think of myself as a student who was selected in a high school publication.  I was an artist who created art, an artist eager to be a part of the literary world. In two short years, Elan has changed me drastically. I took on leadership roles that made me build relationships with the staff. I also learned how to communicate with the staff more efficiently, as well as confront problems that developed over time. One of my biggest projects was curating the “Voices Unearthed” gallery exhibit at Yellow House. The exhibit was a turning point for Elan’s recognition in the community for artists and students. I saw the impact that Elan left on people coming in and out of the gallery, people who were astonished by the publication’s vulnerability and originality. I realized how important the publication was for people who were just discovering their identities and place in the community. I feel in debt to my staff advisor, Tiffany Melanson, for always being honest and reliable. I look up to her and the changes she has fostered into each one of our lives. She made me appreciate art for what it can do for not only for myself, but the literary community around me. The editorial, communal, and marketing skills that I’ve learned in Elan are unique and valuable for any career I decide to start in the future. The reality that my time in Elan is ending feels bittersweet. I feel like I’m leaving behind a part of myself that took years to develop and mold. However, I know that Elan will continue to positively affect future staff members/artists for years to come. - Evelyn Alfonso, Senior Poetry Editor

Being on a literary staff has proven to me over and over again how my body physically needs, desires, and uses writing. This magazine has displayed more of my insides and what I believe in more than anyone will ever realize. My opinions, my thoughts, even my own writing it in the thick margins of our books and posts. Every event I have helped plan and carry out are more than just rewarding for the grade in the class because when I walk away from a reading or marketing booth, I know that I’m leaving a part of me for the rest of the world to enjoy. The Élan Literary Magazine has even changed how I carry myself, because before this year I didn’t see myself as a writer or poet or artist. Before I truly started being involved in all the activities and social events Élan has done this year and engaging consistently in our community, I couldn’t put myself in any category. But as my life moves forward, I now know I have a welcoming, warm place in the literary world. Outside of the classroom, outside of Jacksonville, I feel like I’m a real member and admirer of literary art. So far this year, my participation and involvement in all of our community events has skyrocketed. Events like Color Me Kona and Jax Book Fest have been platforms for local artists, young and old, to get out there in the community and get their work out there! There is so much more to writing than sitting in a room with my laptop open! There are people out there who care, who want to talk to you about it, and who admire any writers' attempts at making art. Color Me Kona was one of the first events of the year that made everyone's eyes on the staff open to how much potential and importance community events hold. When the Jax Book Fest came around this year, a chance for the staff and our fellow published writers to get their work spoken aloud in a microphone with a room full of people, it was all the more important and beautiful to experience. The clichés are true – we all need art to keep moving forward. As a writer, I take my own work more seriously. And I know this seems like a weird, funny thing to say, considering the title of this essay, but I truly realized that my work speaks to people other than myself. People appreciate art in all its level, but I think sometimes we forget to appreciate our own work for what it is. Being able to see my art in a new light, it has made me grow as a humbler person. Now as a senior, I know my time on the staff is quickly coming to an end but as it does I have grown to understand more about myself as a leader and partner when it comes to these organizations. Without everyone on the staff, half the things we’ve achieved would have been impossible – that alone gives me comfort knowing that I was a part of something as wonderful and inspiring as Élan. - Valerie Busto, Senior Fiction/CNF Editor

Most recently I was commissioned to create work that surrounded an exhibition presented at the Cummer Museum here in Jacksonville, as a part of the closing ceremony for the exhibit. I believe that Elan gave me the confidence and the courage to take advantage of the opportunity and let it stretch me as an artist. To not be afraid to admit I have things to say. To demand to be heard. I think one of the faults of being a writer, especially a student writer, is that when it comes to creating, we move through the world with our heads down; we forget that our work matters to people outside of ourselves. Elan asks the exact opposite of that from its staff members. As the Marketing Editor, I have had so many wonderful opportunities to be an active part of the Jacksonville arts and literary community. Sitting in a small room, such as the one I sat in during Jax Lit 3, and having a conversation about why art is important with people who see me as an artist is not an opportunity many people get to be a part of. I remember someone saying something like, “If one person is passionate about something, it will last, and if you are lucky enough to be surrounded by just a few others who are as passionate, anything is possible.” I feel as if, when it comes to the written word, I am always that passionate person. So Elan has given me the skills to take that passion and craft it into success. Every time I sit in one of those rooms I am shocked back into the root of why I continue to write. I am reminded that I am a creator, a maker. It’s who I am. Through Elan, I’ve been asked to be present in the moment, to feed those connections and relationships with other artists, and to always consider what matters to me in my own life. After being on the Elan staff for almost two whole years, I’ve come to realize I'm skilled beyond just my writing. That’s something that I used to be insecure about because I would look around a room at so many people who had so many skills, and I felt they could better apply to the “real world” and the ideals that are pressed upon society in day to day life. And there I was, someone who was good at telling stories. But I’ve sat in so many rooms with so many talented and successful people, now, who are doing the same things I’m doing that I could never possibly believe, again, that my skills don’t matter or add up to anything. Moving forward, I plan to continue immersing myself in the world of the written word and pursuing an MFA in poetry. With Tiffany Melanson as the Staff Advisor, I’ve been encouraged to understand myself and my work outside of the confines of school walls. I think without Elan I would have never had the chance to see myself, really take a step-back and look at myself. Elan has been my sanctuary for growth. - Lex Hamilton, Senior Marketing/Public Relations Editor

Seeing Elan put together Coffee House has been my most rewarding experience on this  publication. Although, events like Homecoming required similar amounts of work, and the work was all worth it, Coffee House is so unique to DA and the creative writing department that I am exponentially more drawn to it. 2018 marked my third year attending Coffee House. I was a member of the core team involved with planning the program, and did everything from help generate ideas for decoration to physically setting up hours before the performance. (Compare that to freshman year, when I didn’t even know Elan put on the event.) The night-of, I was immensely proud of our department. I honestly wish I had invited more people. Coffee House has always been such an immersive and moving display of the creative writers here…I don’t know of any other school that displays student talent so uniquely and so beautifully. Students from all departments (but primarily creative writing) create original performances such as poems, spoken word, songs, skits, dances, etc. have a night to showcase their work on a DA stage. Obviously, as an Elan member, I felt proud about what we accomplished. But, more importantly, I felt proud as an artist. The vulnerability and bravery expressed that night is inspiring in ways I never could have imagined. One piece made me cry, every time, without fail—even at rehearsal. Staying after school, struggling with the details, cleaning up after…it was all worth it. I am always moved by this experience, and can’t wait to help again next year. - Olivia Meiller, Junior Editor-in-Chief

The most rewarding parts of being on the staff of Élan, surprisingly enough, are the ones that involve projects that connect to the literary and artistic community of Jacksonville beyond the scope of the school out of which we are based. As nice as the work we do for Douglas Anderson is, that world is a microcosm unto itself, and it has an insular feeling as all schools have to some extent. Élan, however, has made efforts to broaden its impact as an entity. We are not relegated to just the school with which we are affiliated—we gladly extend our reach into the city itself. This extension makes the work that we do feel a little bit more real. When we have the power to step outside of the school bounds and engage with the community as an independent entity, there is somewhat of an affirmation of our editorial work. Last year, Élan and Yellow House, a local project stewarded by Hope McMath, had a wonderful collaboration. Artists and writers published in the magazine were given the opportunity to have their work displayed in a gallery installation at Yellow House. In the subsequent weeks that Yellow House hosted this beautiful gallery, they hosted an event for young writers in the community, a family event that would allow both Élan and Yellow House to touch base with our youth and actively engage such writers in a meaningful way. Although at this point I was not on the Élan staff, I did get to collaborate with staff members as the co-head of the Douglas Anderson Spoken Word Club. It was my pleasure to conduct with my fellow co-head (Ashley Chatmon, now Junior Marketing Editor of Élan) a few spoken word exercises to expose the crowd to a new form of expression. Spoken word is medium with which many young writers are unfamiliar, so it was a great honor to be the ones to introduce the form to a new crowd. This experience meant a lot to me because it showed me how creatively a space can be used and how such a space can be used to meaningfully interact with the community around us. It taught me the power of community outreach! To stand in front of a crowd of completely new, young faces and discuss writing is a privilege that I now greatly treasure. This means a lot to me as an artist—if I had been say half my age and been told about spoken word and its endless possibilities, I’d have been doing what I do now for a lot longer. It is tremendously endearing to be that person for somebody, and I’m more than glad that Élan was the intermediary for that interaction. - Conor Naccarato, Junior Poetry Editor

A large factor in why I wanted to join the Elan staff is because it is not just a small group of teens publishing work by and for its own host school. It eclipses the landscape of Douglas Anderson and carries its own merit as a part of a global art community. Not only that, but it is deeply involved in the local art community, with a focus on the youth. Civil service devotees who invested in the youth of Jacksonville taught me at a young age to love this city. Moreover, they taught me that Jacksonville’s growth depended on the nurturing of the community that inhabited it. I wanted to put the message I learned about getting what you give to your community in action through my work in this organization. In November I had the opportunity to participate in a workshop at Lavilla School of the Arts. As a daughter of two teachers, I was deeply drawn to the idea of working with young people. My love for reading seriously shifted to a love for writing in middle school, and I hoped to help stir this same reaction in someone at Lavilla. This event entailed nearly a whole school day for the members of Elan. We worked with sixth, seventh, and eighth graders who were already involved in their middle school’s creative writing program. A major focus of these workshops was to lift up these young creators and show them that their art is incredibly important. We wanted to encourage them to keep creating, as the goal of writing is not to please an audience, but to share a piece of ones unique voice and experience. The existence of Elan proves this truth. People want to know what the youth has to say, and they have for thirty years and counting. As we analyzed example writing and heard these students share some of their own, I was shocked by the depth of their insight. I reached a point where I felt I was no longer teaching, but having a genuine discussion with fellow members of the next generation of artists. I also got a chance to share about my personal journey with creative writing, Elan, and how both have affected who I am not just as an artist, but as a person. I already knew that my personal growth walked hand in hand with my identity as a writer, but having to put it into words made me realize how rare and important the environment of Elan has proven to be. - Ashley Chatmon, Junior Marketing Editor

It is January of 2018: a new year, but the same eager confusion wrestles within me. I am good at writing, yes. I am good at that. Is there anything else? I am good at knowing good art. At picking it out of tons of other submissions. I know the brand of Elan. I have a lot of ideas. I am ready to step foot back into that classroom and make every one of those ideas come true. I have yet to figure out how to become connected to the community, but I will figure it out. This is the mindset I had when I returned to school last winter. However, when I did step foot in that classroom, the way in which I moved through life would be changed forever. When staff advisor, Tiffany Melanson, sat me down alongside three other staff members offering us the opportunity to curate an art gallery at our local Yellow House museum, there was something inside of me that buzzed and sang. We would spend the next few months leading up to the day preparing for what felt like an endless journey, but I do remember some of those moments so vividly. Hunched over old editions of Elan, our backs in the shapes of a ‘U’ decisively choosing a quote from each edition. In that, reconnecting with the ghost of our editorial past. Weaving ourselves into the history of Elan, its evolution that went beyond our four minds, those four walls, or the gates of Douglas Anderson. The numerous days when we didn’t think we would have enough art to fill a gallery. And then, it appeared as if from a stork: our baby had arrived, framed and matted, and she was beautiful. When the day came, I remember the crunch of the gravel under my yellow heels. As I walked up the creaking stairs, my stomach felt like it had fallen out from beneath me. Through the door of this small, yellow house was my blood, sweat, and tears over the past months. This would be the peak: everything lied in this house. Walking through each room and hallway, the walls were lined with visual art and poems I’d come to know and love. The book had come to life. It was there, breathing and moving through the space like blood through the human body. We had made Elan a body: Yellow House the skeleton from which it hung, the art and writing the flesh and blood, and the history of Elan and the staff, its beating heart. It was something to be touched, felt. Something that no longer lived on book shelf. As people flooded into this body, I was stunned at their response. Everybody moved through the space pulsing with questions and in awe of the way the words from the pop-up readings attached themselves to the walls of every mind that would hear them. That night, Elan earned something every artist hopes to earn: the captive attention of its audience. The ability to say why it is and what it loves. Since that day, I have been fighting for that, not only as the Marketing Editor, but as an artist myself. - Lex Hamilton, Senior Marketing Editor

Before I was on the Elan staff, I had heard about their community events and how powerful and inspiring they had been. When the opportunity for Elan to be at Color Me Kona came around, I knew I wanted to be a part of that team. Color Me Kona is a festival that fundraises the Kid’s Mural Project, which aims to uplift and empower underprivileged youth around the city. It includes art instillations, vendors, live performances, interactive mural painting, and an overall really inspiring environment. Elan was a part of the vendors at Color Me Kona, and it was more rewarding than I ever thought it would be. Being a part of the Elan staff already meant a lot to me, but this experience changed my view on the impact the Elan staff can have on the community. We all made a big effort to have an interactive and eye catching booth that would draw people in and it worked. We had a wide range of people come up and learn about what Elan is and I think the most inspiring part of it all was seeing how impressed people were when they learned about our magazine. Not only are we making an impact on those around us in the community, but I think we are inspiring them as well. This event inspired me a lot as an artist. The vendors that we were surrounded with were so creative. The art that decorated the park was amazing as well, the whole environment was inspiring in itself. The artist that were there cared about what they were creating and it was obvious. It was really special to be around all those artists and when the event was over I became even more excited about future Elan events that I can be a part of. It really takes being at an event to understand how impactful Elan is and how important it is in this community. Events like Color Me Kona give us an opportunity to let people know we are here and we are engaged with the community. The success of Color Me Kona gives me so much hope that we will make even more of a lasting impact at other events in the community in years to come. Without Elan I would never be able to experience events like Color Me Kona through the eyes of someone that is making an impact in the community. It prides me to be a part of a staff that is working to make Elan an even more important part of the community than it already is. My time on the Elan staff will be spent working hard to ensure we continue to spread our impact through the community with each event to come. For me, Color Me Kona is the start of my part in community engagement in Elan, and I’m excited to see what comes next. - Anna Howse, Junior Fiction/CNF Editorc

Coffee House was one of our first big events this past year that focused on community engagement. This show included a group of hand picked students, some doing duo pieces, others doing solo. The students practiced hard, as well as those on Elan, to put together the show and make it the best they could. In this event, many students performing shared personal writing pieces of their own with the audience. Many outsiders came to Coffee House and were able to witness these performances, which not only promoted writing, but the work of Elan as well. I watched Coffee House from audience seats the two years before this one, and in this one I didn’t only perform, but was behind-the-scenes as a part of Elan as well. Seeing Coffee House from these two new lights was interesting because on one hand, I was getting ready to perform what the audience would be seeing on stage, and on the other hand, I was helping create what would be seen by the audience offstage (i.e. decorations, objects being sold, etc.) At first there was a lot of pressure I felt from both sides because all I could think about was how perfect everything had to be. In reality, it didn’t have to be perfect, just attention-grabbing and something to show that I cared as both a performer and as an Elan member. It’s important for Elan to have community engagement events like this because it helps let our name be more known and to be seen for the work that we are doing, like events we put on or take part in, and the book that we create. Community engagement also allows Elan to further connect with the art world around us and opens our eyes to the new opportunities that can be given to us, and the opportunities we can give right back to our community. Being in events like Coffee House as an Elan member shows me the connection we allow ourselves to have with our art community and how we deepen it to gain more interest from those in the community. In my mind, it is so exciting to see a group of people from the same community come together and enjoy the same thing for the same or similar reasons. Especially after events like this, when the performers are told how well they did, or when members a part of Elan are told how well they do with the book or putting on the event. It’s heartwarming to see that connection and to feel that success, that voice ringing in my head, “Yes, we have touched someone else, someone else sees us.” That voice in my head, and little things like being congratulated on our work in our community outreach projects only excites me more for the events we are to do in the future. The fact there are always people who recognize us for what we do and they feel connected to us for what we do is so rewarding and it is one of the best feelings I have while on Elan. - Catriona Keel, Junior Digital Media Editor

My favorite event that Elan held within the community that I was able to participate in was the Yellow House gallery last spring. I was assigned the role to be the visual art manager. This required helping pick art that had already been published in the book and then going to find permission to display the art before hunting down the physical copies of the pieces. Though the art procurement process was one of the most tedious aspects of the entire gallery, I had a lot of fun in the process. Seeing the gallery come to life as result of my peers and I’s decisions on specific pieces was incredibly gratifying. Each room had its own theme and, all together, it created a culmination of what it means to be find oneself as a young person and as a young artist. It included art not only from Douglas Anderson, but from the Savannah Art Academy in Georgia as well. It took us about five months to complete it all, but it was definitely worth all the effort through the numerous setbacks and unnerving deadlines. One of my fondest memories of the event was sitting outside with some of the younger kids and making art with them. It was great seeing the artistic youth of the community and feeling as if the gallery was inspiring them to continue on their route to becoming a skilled artist in their near future. A lot of families attended the event, and there was not a single person who did not look entirely engaged with every piece of art and writing on the walls. Our work had paid off tenfold. As a staff member, I began to fully understand the importance of my role in Elan, as half the book is visual art and there are only two editors every year to manage it all to be cultivated into a colorful and lively edition. Art and writing grant viewers two unique ways to feel an emotional tug, and that tug is what the entirety of the Elan magazine strives for. Art, since the beginning of its existence, has been made specifically to tell stories and create strengthened bonds within all walks of mankind. Art tells stories in a way that allows colors, shapes, and strokes to become their own undefinable words. Realizing the importance of art has allowed me to become more determined to pursue the arts as my future profession. Though I am a creative writer at Douglas Anderson, I have a passion for drawing that has only grown exponentially with my role in Elan. I have made it a personal goal of mine to have my art displayed in a gallery and be able to see someone react to it with the same emotion I watched people react to the student created pieces of art in the Yellow House gallery. The gallery only proved yet again how important art is to every aspect of life and, more importantly, the complex expression of it. - Kathryn Wallis, Senior Art Editor

What art has taught me is there is a story to everything, and every story starts somewhere in its own unique way. From there, the story unfolds a journey, or a realization. Artists write, paint, create music, etc., to release that message in a way that expresses his or her being and connects to someone. Art is a compilation of different perspectives coming into a concentrated form. By being in Elan, I have been able to understand this greater than I ever have before. As one of the Art Editors, I have to pour over visual art pieces, select a handful, then pair the works to writing pieces. Looking at these pieces are always mesmerizing. They all have such power; they all show a struggle and a journey. I realized throughout this year that the quality of the art isn’t what is considered; it’s the meaning behind it. It’s about the artist expressing his or her past or internal self. I officially learned about Elan in my Sophomore year of high school when I attended an event called Yellow House. It was an exhibit dedicated to the writing and visual art of young artists that had been accepted into Elan. Seeing the amount of raw, emotional talent and dedication that had been put into those pieces was just indescribable. I realized, then, how much art affects others. To the artist, it’s releasing something in their bones. To the person pouring over their work, they are discovering something in their bones. We look at art and we learn of a world we didn’t even know about. Elan’s community engagement is important for these moments. They give young, aspiring artists something to look to; to know their art has a place somewhere. That, yes, their art does have purpose besides filling up flash drives or small studios. One of my poems was in that exhibit, and that was very impactful. I finally realized the worth of my own art to others. I realized even my art could connect people. These are the lessons Yellow House taught me. My goal as a fellow Elan staff member is to continue doing those meaningful projects, because in the future, as it did me, someone is going to attend and have a personal realization. These projects also help develop my ability to handle huge tasks and take on new responsibilities. Coming into Elan, I knew I would be gaining a lot of meaningful experience that I could take with me into the working world. Elan has done more that I originally expected; it has showed me the power of working as a team, how to properly communicate, and how to effectively reach an audience. Elan is about reaching out and expressing the importance of art. Elan has given me the opportunity to put passion into what I do. I am working towards a meaningful whole. As I observe more art and look at the stories of others, I learn about my own story as a person in this world. I am always picking up the pieces and building something different – something that will help me in the next chapter of my life. With those tools, I create art. I absorb new art. I look for new perspectives, and from there, new beginnings arise. - Reece Braswell, Junior Art Editor