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16 < Table of Contents Guazi by Yiming Low To My Mother by Luna Lu 9:58 p.m. I unlocked my phone after finishing my essay just before my 10 p.m. deadline. A sigh of relief escaped my pursed lips and instantly turned into white fumes – fall in Michigan is already frosty and wintry. There was nothing new except a photo from my father. I reluctantly opened it, annoyed at the thought that it might be just another reminder to do the homework that I just finished or his exciting discovery of a new way to make scrambled eggs. But my immature annoyance soon disappeared upon seeing the photo, and a swamp of emotions washed over me. I had to close the screen to put it aside so my tears wouldn’t stain it. It was a plain, domestic photo of my mother sitting in front of a quiet bar at sunset, posing semi-awkwardly for my father’s camera. She was wearing a white dress with black maple leaves on it, designed in a traditional, minimalist Japanese style she always liked. Her hair was dyed to be as brown as mine, elegant curls draped around her shoulders in a way that reminded me of the delicious croissants she used to bake. But I couldn’t recognize her face. I zoomed in as hard as I could, desperately searching for something familiar. Her lips seemed to have a different color, her nose bridge was way taller than what I remembered to be, and her eyebrows looked thinner. The gradually growing distance between me and my mother was beginning to have an effect, and when I realized that I couldn’t register the softness in her eyes, my own eyes began to swell with tears. Mother and I didn’t have the easiest time with each other. In fact, our differences were already painfully obvious during my earliest years, as if we were living side by side in two different worlds. Mother was born in a village at the bottom of a mountain during the 1970s in China, a time I could never comprehend as a Generation Z kid born in an already-developed urban city. Growing up in a conservative family, my mother was perfectionistic and meticulous, and she lived by a strict set of standards: utensils must be set before meals with chopsticks on the right side of the rice bowl; be quiet when you are in a room with people older than you; floors and shelves in the household must be spotless at all times. I never understood why she allowed these unimportant details to control her days. There was more to life than dishes in the sink, dust on the floor, and unorganized shoe cases. There were insightful books to read, infinite topics to learn, and exciting creative work to pursue. An unmade bed could be reasonably ignored if one is rushing to write the next best chapter of their life. Having to spend ten minutes scrubbing the clean floor before I could resume my homework was an immense source of frustration for me. Now, looking back, her compulsiveness was her own way of maintaining the family and keeping us together. But for the younger me, it was something I needed to run away and escape from. Mother and I had countless arguments with each other during the following years, and it was because of our different views on womanhood that our relationship turned sour. Mother was raised in a misogynistic family, and she brought the scars along with her. I hated how she looked with them, and for that I hated her. I hated how she didn’t dare to speak during social events when my father was around; I hated how she gave up looking for jobs and settled as a housewife; and I hated how she spent countless hours trying to lose weight and telling herself that she wasn’t thin, slim, or attractive enough. One day, after hearing her saying how it’s best for me to choose the easy way and stop trying so hard, I shouted back: “Just because you are too much of a coward to muster up the courage to do something challenging, doesn’t mean that I am!” I ran out of the room without looking back. I didn’t see her puffy, exhausted eyes. This time, I ran 7591 miles away from her. She begged for me to stay, but she knew about my stubbornness. I swore to myself that I will never be like her. I made sure that we were living in different countries, eating different food, and speaking different languages. I stopped calling her, and I even stopped celebrating holidays and chose to spend my long breaks at my friends’ houses instead. " As I went on living without her, though, I started to find more and more of her shadow in me." As I went on living without her, though, I started to find more and more of her shadow in me. We both liked the smell of new cashmere sweaters, the burnt, crispy part of vanilla cakes, and spontaneous picnics in zoos and lake parks. We had a soft spot for anything with caramel, and we both agreed that the best pizza topping is pineapple. I could never forget the way she rode the scooter through rainstorms with me on her back. Comfortably leaning on mother’s warm shoulders and hiding under a comically large raincoat with raindrops dripping off my eyebrows, I peeked through an opening gap, curiously observing the blurry streets hugged by the hazy fog and traffic lights – that was my way of seeing this world. And for a while, my mother was my world. Even though she didn’t understand why I would rather practice roller-skating in the rain than take a day off, she still came and picked me up with dry clothes and chips. She was baffled when I picked non-fiction over comic books, but nonetheless made me custard buns and set them beside my bookmark. I never thought about how painful it was for her to have trouble understanding her own daughter. I didn’t hate my mother, not really. Hatred was the cheapest mask I got to cover up all the blame I put on myself for being too weak to stand up for her and the astringent guilt I hid in my bedroom closet. It was the only way I knew. Maybe mother and daughter are not meant to understand each other at all. Instead, we were made to push and pull and pass each other like Jupiter and Saturn, and all we could do was grow. In the end, it doesn’t matter if our worlds never intertwine together perfectly, as long as I can still sit by your side and have a cup of your coffee. I love you, mother. I am glad that I am your daughter. Thank you for protecting me in this vast, confusing universe. 10:19 p.m. Sitting next to Lake Michigan, I unlocked my phone once again and dialed my mother’s number. Earthy breezes teased with my sleeves and tickled my cheeks. A lone lighthouse shimmering from afar, its amber glow being the only thing that was keeping me away from the cold and endless darkness. “Oh baby, you haven’t called me for a long time. Did you eat dinner?” “Yeah yeah I did. Mom, guess what, I’m coming home this winter break.” About the Writer... Luna Lu is a current junior at Interlochen Arts Academy majoring in Interdisciplinary Arts, her focuses include film, theater, music, creative writing, visual art, and collecting books. A life-long learner, she dedicates her energy to the pursuit of beauty and knowledge. About the Artist... Yiming Low is a visual arts major at the Savannah Arts Academy in Savannah, Georgia. Along with traditional styles of realism, she enjoys experimenting with graphic design, photography, and printmaking.

Depth to my Body Mia Parola Sorrowful Reflection Hasina Lilley I wanted to swim through a fountain inside myself and kick laps around shallowed water, allow each stroke to jet me forward but not deeper so the tilt of my head could still fill me with easy air. For reward I wished to erupt whimsically into the sky from an upward faucet, like the one that lights and spews cold fireworks into dull dusk while I drive down Main Street Bridge. If it were a diving board, I would plummet myself from it, down to be congratulated by that dancing water who’s droplets shine like clear cut diamonds that hit as they fall from bursts above. When I do jump into the water of myself, no light show greets me at the surface. the splash I send into the sky is lost, maybe nonexistent against the open waters that meet me and reshape my body under a new murk. I’m not prepared for the lack of lap lanes to help me forward and begin to sink down into myself, falling through the ocean as a diver. Lost in drowning panic, it’s easy to forget how to breathe from the tank that is my lifeline as I fall like a tossed boulder until the final depth. The seafloor catches me where I never wanted to reach, sixty-five feet down and alone with myself almost. Sunlight oddly sends scattered rays all this way down that swim with the water as they reflect from sand. No fountain spews artificial bursts of color, but patches of neon coral are explored by schools of fish I hadn’t known could exist but am close enough to swim along with, learn the ways of. Each time bubbles gush from my mouth, I watch them travel up desperately and race to spew at the surface, but I make no struggle upward. I am not sunk but have gained power to beat out my own waves in every direction of my body and mind, every inch I can possibly extend itself. Return to Table of Contents

< Table of Contents Lurking by Sophia Gapuz the disease called home. By Anayelli Andrews-Nieves The machinery hums its familiar tones. Lyrical stories and medicinal lies Course through my veins, And yet, even with that saccharine anesthetic, I can’t get it out of my sight— the way everything in the house seemed to live , how each system pulsed and breathed, and my survival hinged on all of it. “Bougainvillea petals are floating in my IV.” Bougainvillea petals are floating in my IV. i can see the tree from that hospital bed’s window. i picked the petals from the concrete and mixed them in myself. Their memories leak out and The color seeps in. My skin is colored a shade that looks so wrong, Blooming from blemished skin. it’s a shade that once meant i was home. I’m dyed down to my bones In the colors of a dead man. they were supposed to save me. the systems have already stopped sending signals. the house became pallor and cold a long time ago, and yet the curtain hasn’t been pulled over it. “allow me,” and “i wouldn’t dare,” the heart monitor screams as my fingers run along white fabric. sometimes i think i must be a corpse still attached to life support, endless wires connected jaggedly to my veins. they stretch and tear and dig into my rotting, festering flesh. when (if) it ends, will these marks be burned away? there is no remedy for what isn’t a disease, and a decayed heart cannot beat again, so what am i to do? sweetening my senses until there’s nothing left, swallowing down falsities, i’ve changed nothing. that place is still so very far, so far that i shouldn’t be able to say “i still, i still, i still,” but the words form the sound of my pulse, and the words stab into my heart. i still hear birds chirping in a cage on the front porch, i still find myself in sync with the whirring of an oxygen machine, and i have such a weak heart that it will beat in a different rhythm if it believes its going at the wrong pace. But for my own sake Even with my weakened body, I can stand At the gravestone of a memory. About the Writer... Anayelli Andrews-Nieves is a student at Douglas Anderson School of the Arts in the Creative Writing department and a member of the Black Arts club. She is a biracial, queer writer and was born and raised in Florida. She enjoys writing and reading fantasy stories that have a balance of character and plot focus. A side from fiction, she also has an interest in free verse poetry that uses visceral descriptions to get across intense emotional ideas. About the Artist... Sophia Gapuz is a visual artist at Douglas Anderson School of the Arts in Jacksonville, Florida. She majors in drawing and painting, and explores the world in an emotionally abstract lens, continually searching to create something new.

Élan presents the winners of its annual Middle School Writing Contest. Winners archived up to 2019. Middle School Writing Contest Élan celebrates the work of students between 6th and 8th grades in our annual Middle School Writing Contest. Learn how to compete We Still Have a Heart in Ourselves Indie Pascal 1st Place View More Our Cafeteria Dimitria Banov Russo Honorable Mention View More Oblivion Greta Reis 2nd Place View More No Fresh Air Ana Rosenthal Honorable Mention View More The Blue and Yellow Lila Hartley 3rd Place View More 2023 We Still Have a Heart in Ourselves Indie Pascal 1st Place View More Our Cafeteria Dimitria Banov Russo Honorable Mention View More Oblivion Greta Reis 2nd Place View More No Fresh Air Ana Rosenthal Honorable Mention View More The Blue and Yellow Lila Hartley 3rd Place View More 2022 on your name Cloris Shi 1st Place View More We Just Want to be Loved Riayn Smith Honorable Mention View More Dear Linh Kate Kim 2nd Place View More Blank Page Cecelia Richardson Honorable Mention View More How Lucky we Are Meredith Anglin 3rd Place View More 2021 Grief Janna Tannous 1st Place View More Untitled John Walker 3rd Place Tie View More Questions of Youth Erion P. Sanders 2nd Place View More The Roaring Himalayas Rehan Sheikh 3rd Place Tie View More 2020 Fading Marlo Herndon 1st Place Read Toby Georgia Witt Honorable Mention Read The Curious Murder of Lilliane Baldwin Hannah G. Klenck 2nd Place Read Becoming One Amelia Elder Honorable Mention Read The Castle Isabella Bolger 3rd Place Read 2019

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Fall/Winter 2022 Cover Art: The Photographer V2 by Mary Lefleur Table of Contents Connect to "TOC Art Title" Connect to "TOC Title" Connect to "TOC Art Title" Button Editor's Note Brendan Nurczyk & Emma Klopfer & Niveah Glover Small Title Small Title Small Title Connect to "TOC Title" Connect to "TOC AUTHOR" Connect to "TOC ARTIST" 0 Connect to "TOC Art Title" Connect to "TOC Title" Connect to "TOC Art Title" Button Before I was Mint The Photographer V2 Abigail Griffin Small Title Mary Lefluer Small Title Small Title Connect to "TOC Title" Connect to "TOC AUTHOR" Connect to "TOC ARTIST" 1 Connect to "TOC Art Title" Connect to "TOC Title" Connect to "TOC Art Title" Button Perched Nostalgia Annika Gangopadhyay Small Title Maria Bezverkh Small Title Small Title Connect to "TOC Title" Connect to "TOC AUTHOR" Connect to "TOC ARTIST" 2 Connect to "TOC Art Title" Connect to "TOC Title" Connect to "TOC Art Title" Button Prom Dress Narcissism Mackenzie Shaner Small Title Elanee Viray Small 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Fall/Winter 2022 Cover Art: The Photographer V2 by Mary Lefleur Table of Contents Connect to "TOC Art Title" Connect to "TOC Title" Connect to "TOC Art Title" Button Editor's Note Brendan Nurczyk & Emma Klopfer & Niveah Glover Small Title Small Title Small Title Connect to "TOC Title" Connect to "TOC AUTHOR" Connect to "TOC ARTIST" 0 Connect to "TOC Art Title" Connect to "TOC Title" Connect to "TOC Art Title" Button Before I was Mint The Photographer V2 Abigail Griffin Small Title Mary Lefluer Small Title Small Title Connect to "TOC Title" Connect to "TOC AUTHOR" Connect to "TOC ARTIST" 1 Connect to "TOC Art Title" Connect to "TOC Title" Connect to "TOC Art Title" Button Perched Nostalgia Annika Gangopadhyay Small Title Maria Bezverkh Small Title Small Title Connect to "TOC Title" Connect to "TOC AUTHOR" Connect to "TOC ARTIST" 2 Connect to "TOC Art Title" Connect to "TOC Title" Connect to "TOC Art Title" Button Prom Dress Narcissism Mackenzie Shaner Small Title Elanee Viray Small Title Small Title Connect to "TOC Title" Connect to "TOC AUTHOR" Connect to "TOC ARTIST" 3 Connect to "TOC Art Title" Connect to "TOC Title" Connect to "TOC Art Title" Button в машине (in the car) Back to Nature Alisa Chamberlin Small Title Sachiko Rivamonte Small Title Small Title Connect to "TOC Title" Connect to "TOC AUTHOR" Connect to "TOC ARTIST" 4 Connect to "TOC Art Title" Connect to "TOC Title" Connect to "TOC Art Title" Button Dry The scars from my armor Tejal Doshi Small Title Shanwill Wang Small Title Small Title Connect to "TOC Title" Connect to "TOC AUTHOR" Connect to "TOC ARTIST" 5 Connect to "TOC Art Title" Connect to "TOC Title" Connect to "TOC Art Title" Button The Bracelet Nylah Watkins Small Title Small Title Small Title Connect to "TOC Title" Connect to "TOC AUTHOR" Connect to "TOC ARTIST" 6 Connect to "TOC Art Title" Connect to "TOC Title" Connect to "TOC Art Title" Button Prenatal Exposure Reclaiming my roots Maeve Coughlin Small Title Julie Hathaway Small Title 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All Posts Craft Announcements On Élan Profiles Community Featured Blog Reflections Reviews Search Log in / Sign up Staff Aug 26, 2020 Élan Middle School Writing Contest – 2020 Winners! Élan celebrates the work of students between 6th and 8th grades in our annual Middle School Writing Contest. The winner of the contest is... Reece Braswell May 15, 2020 Tiger Games Noland Blain May 13, 2020 Stories Without Words: Samuel Pabon’s Pressure Cooker Evette Davis May 11, 2020 A Needed Intimacy: Élan, Spring 2020 Catriona Keel May 8, 2020 Vulnerability and Truth in the Spring Online Edition Jasper Darnell May 6, 2020 On “Becoming a Wishbone” by Riley Bridenback Luz Mañunga May 4, 2020 The Changing Élan Staff May 1, 2020 National Poetry Month Prompts Pamphlet – Download and Enjoy! La'Mirakle Price Apr 29, 2020 The Black Girl Duet Noland Blain Apr 27, 2020 “Mixed Emotion Elegy” Demands Understanding, Engagement Reece Braswell Apr 24, 2020 No Single Life to Live, or Way to Feel Blake Molenaar Apr 22, 2020 Morning Chat, Élan, and Life in Isolation Anna Howse Apr 20, 2020 Another Powerful Edition Sheldon White Apr 17, 2020 On “The Challenger Shuttle Disaster, 1986” by Sara Carmichael Conor Naccarato Apr 15, 2020 How to Remember–An Exercise in Eulogy Olivia Meiller Apr 13, 2020 Spring: Breathing New Life into Élan Blake Molenaar Mar 19, 2020 Writers’ Fest Through New Eyes Sheldon White Mar 17, 2020 On Writers’ Fest Ashley Chatmon Mar 11, 2020 The Importance of Writers’ Festival Reece Braswell Mar 4, 2020 Personal Truth Tags On Élan Reflections On Poetry On Writing Community growth happy trails Writers' Fest On Art Douglas Anderson Florida Jacksonville On Fiction reviews 30th Anniversary Prompts nature Yellow House On CNF Coffee House college culture friendship family Interviews Color Me Kona history National Poetry Month Nikki Giovanni Patricia Smith

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