I used to pray

By Essia Mahmoudi

My father’s hand twists the faucet, its screech clashing with the ​

ceiling fan. ​

He tells me to pray ​

with Sunnah’s surge in my heart as ​

I cleanse my feet for the sacred rug beneath me. ​

Rituals, I told myself, drag me ​

from the fleeting sunrise to blackened dusk. 

I’d pray ​

loosening my guilt, the remainder of sin between my palms ​

spilling  

onto  

the  

floor. 

Concealed, precious veils worth verses of “Alhamdulillah’s” ​

I told my surrender as irreverent to ​

the cast of translucent wax buried in my fingernails.​

How shameful​

upon the rehearsed ceremonies it is ​

to be ​

anything other ​

than the holy pages burning from the wavering candlelight.  

I should’ve prayed at eleven, ​

but those twin flames couldn’t save me​

from the ignited kerosene that grazed my skin ​

before scorching it to tender buds of smoke. ​

These trails of gasoline tamed​

to deem the glory of a mosque desirable.

I’ve seen the damp fields where bodies are claimed by prophets, ​

sheep owned by their obedient men walk down the aisle ​

shackled to their fate. ​

Across the river of idle corpses soaking up their dignity, ​

I hear the weeping of lamb on Eid bleating​

in futility, its hiss of bloodshed ​

ringing in the name of ​

Allah.  

I held the slashing across ​

the fur in my book of knives,  ​

I was taught that sacrifice ​

eats Innocence, feasting upon  ​

its last blessings. 

I used to pray ​

for another witness  ​

to set aflame,​

For this secrecy ​

to be lured into ​

body bags that it cannot escape, ​

For this fasting ​

to mean something ​

it isn’t. ​

My father’s hands gather under the water, ​

but the ceiling fan can no longer seep into the sinful ​

tears on my rug. 

About the Author...

Essia Mahmoudi is a fourteen-year-old writer who resides in Florida. She attends Douglas  Anderson School of the Arts and proudly majors in their Creative Writing program. Her favorite genres to read are gothic fiction, science fiction, and poetry. Essia's favorite authors are Irvine Welsh, Ayn Rand, and Janet Fitch. She enjoys reading compelling, unique stories with intricate storylines and aspires to advance her literature exposure.

About the Artist...

Nakshatra Kallepalli is a high school student and artist with four years of experience in the fine arts. Her work explores emotion and personal perspective through visual storytelling. She works across multiple media, including painting and mixed media, and enjoys experimenting with composition and detail to strengthen the meaning of her pieces. Through her art, she aims to create work that feels thoughtful, expressive, and open to interpretation.