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Throwback Thursday

Here is a throwback piece from Elan’s 1999 Spring Issue, by its then Editor-in-Chief Billy Merrell. Since graduating from Douglas Anderson, Merrell published his first book Talking in the Dark, a poetry memoir, with Scholastic in 2003. He also co-edited The Full Spectrum: A New Generation of Writing About Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, and Other Identities for Knopf Books for Young Readers with David Levithan. It was released in 2006 and won the 2007 Lammy in the Children's/Young Adult category. Merrell has been a frequent guest writer at the bi-annual Douglas Anderson Writers' Festival.

Quickening - Billy Merrell

I felt it push inside

the poetry

I read it, but didn’t

dream it, and now

there… Oh! a push

from the inside, and words are in me

pregnant of language

kicking with the verse

and verbiage, but Oh!

And I love that feeling

being a father a mother

giving life.

They told me

“It will come in time,”

But when I dreamt it

it was ugly

the rain came angry

and the process married

only hours of cold sweat

and in the end, a still born…

but don’t worry,

that was only a dream

I am here still

with a child inside me

waiting to be born,

I have found clothes, fitting

prepared the nursery and now,

am only waiting

for the inspiration, the night

and the child, unborn and breathing my



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